What men want??

“You are a man-hater”! quipped one of my friends: A, who is a guy. He made this statement after reading one of my posts: Beleaguered Buddies; where I delineated some of the things that bring a bunch of men together. I had put it men bond over “fagging, boozing, watching porn stuff, sharing mms’s, rating figures, sharing their sexual prowess etc”. The very name of the post indicates it’s about friends and of all the statements and pleasant things I wrote about, one statement that left a lasting impression is the one mentioned above. It suffused him to an extent that might smother him. If REALITY smothers you, then you inordinately need a reality check.

I had not made this inadvertent statement out of vacuum, this is a ground reality we all live with and have to acquiesce, whether we like it or not. It’s comprehensible if one acquiesces and rebels in the same breadth but what if one one only wants to rebel without acquiescing the reality. I postulated the statement NOT out of my wishful thinking but out of experience. It is implicit that most of us, working professionals spend an integral part of the day at work. Work definitely teaches us good and bitter lessons in experience.One gets to correspond with people of different cultures, mindsets, background; and there is exchange of knowledge, ideas, thoughts, opinions which are variable; and yes of course you get to study the habits of a person too; at times, it takes a single encounter and sometimes it takes a couple of encounters. For instance, you have just welcomed someone new into your team and on the same day, you go out for a break with your friend and cross paths with the newcomer who is smoking to glory along with some of his friends. There is another instance, where you as a new comer have been seeking the help of a kind senior since few months, and one day you notice him gleaming over pix of some voluptuous actresses in his mobile along with his other male colleagues. I have interacted with men at some seminars, work for the most part, apart from relatives as till my Grads I studied in all girls’ convent school and college. Thus, workplace is where I have seen, observed and made note of some of the fascinations men indulge in. Closer home, Pa doesn’t smoke and drink but yes some of my uncles do smoke and drink occasionally. Such specimens are a part of our life, we cannot dismember as it’s apparent that we do find a few, if not all in our extended families.

I’m both an orthodox and an out-going person. However, more of the former than the latter. Therefore the orthodox side of me looks upon smoking, fagging and such habits with disdain and contempt. I acknowledge that just because a guy smokes or drinks, that doesn’t make him an immoral person. But life is not built on frivolous, needless and material things; life is built on habits and thus on CHARACTER. My friend A and I got into a heated argument over this. Holding a mirror to people (men in this case) and portraying reality as it is, does not imply that I’m a man-hater. When I retorted and bludgeoned his moves by saying that I have seen nude pix of women in one of my male colleagues phone, who is a married man and how do you justify that? He went white in the face for a moment and started defending his stance by saying that I should not have seen his mobile, in the first place. What bilge is he ranting? I was twirling through his contacts for a colleagues contact number, in his mobile, before him and happened to see the wall paper. When I had said that he stated what’s wrong in pursuing such a fascination? Whether it is a fascination to get a high in bed or whether it is good, bad or ugly, it is true that men do have a good time over these fascinations. I also concede that there are a good percentage of men who do not indulge and we women will root for them but for the most part they DO and this is corroborated by men themselves and who else would know it better? Ask them.

This post is definitely not a meaningless vindication of the previous post but a vindication to open minds to reality; for people like my friend. Posts, write-ups, articles are all up there for public dissections and interpretations. But condemning reality is ridiculous! Doing is one thing and denying is another. I seethed over the appalling statement of my friend and the unfairness of it all. And for those, who might be wondering if being a feminist connotes hating men; it’s a misconception to be thrown out of the window.I’m a feminist and a feminist is someone who advocates equal rights for women, to look upon men and women as equals. Having said that, in feminism, there are radical, Marxist, liberal feminists etc. Radical feminism is hating men as my friend has panned me for; these feminists want to do away with men. I’m a liberal feminist who calls for parity among men and women.

PS: Keep your thoughts, ideas, opinions, jibes and comments coming in.