Marriage, Mayhem and Melee

“Marriages are made in heaven” goes a popular statement that resonates with most of us and induces a smug belief of UTOPIA: an ideal institution. It is this perception that busted the bubble! If divorce rates are anything to go by, the magnitude of divorces in India is proliferating by the day.

Conservative India has perpetually been a marriage obsessed society. Despite all the vociferous voices that claim: our society has outgrown the notion of an arranged marriage, arranged marriages however remain the order of the day in the contemporary scenario. 80 out of 100 marriages in India can be pigeon holed as arranged. The prospective bride and groom are mere pawns who are compelled to dance to the directions of their parents; what if either s/he is in love with someone else? Why are the parents not getting him or her married to partners of their own choice? Ostensibly the partner could be from a different caste, class, religion or perhaps not good enough for their parents. The outcome: a compromise not for one but two because the other partner’s expectations are dashed to the ground as s/he becomes a part of someone’s life for who marriage is a compromise. Nevertheless love marriages aren’t a bed of roses either.

Both love and arranged marriages come with its pros and cons. If both sorts of marriages are collapsing, what are the reasons for the decline? One of the reasons for the mayhem of this sacrosanct institution is EXPECTATIONS. Couples plunge into the relationship with expectations and assuming notions. When the partner fails to live up to his/her expectations, hell breaks loose. Few are pushed into wedding when they least expect it and therefore aren’t prepared. What if there are other priorities like higher studies and career for him/her? What if s/he is keen to pursue their priorities? This again tarnishes expectations of the other partner. Gender equation has changed radically over the years. There were times when man was the sole bread winner; today it’s a tantalizing role reversal: women are financially liberated and extremely opinionated. In the modern scenario, it’s the lack of adjustment and ego clashes that propels a divorce in most cases. Divorce lawyers state that 7 out of 10 cases cite grounds of fighting over trivial issues; from sharing responsibilities and chores at home to making a small compromise with career. For instance, in a case, a husband wanted his wife to resign and join him in another state on account of his transfer. However, the wife refused to comply and the rest as we know is reality.

The other reasons for divorce include extra marital relations, domestic violence, an incurable disease and impotency. Impotency is quite a negligent issue in India. Women are afraid to open up and come out with the problem. But getting nervous will not help matters, clear conversation might. My friend’s cousin got married to a guy who was impotent and when asked as to why he did that, he did not have an answer. The girl went into pieces and took a long time to recover. But I’m happy she is divorced. Why are people adamant on shattering some innocent person’s life? Such a person can only be an animal. It is a sound mind, emotions and a heart that differentiates a human from an animal. There are two schools of thought for extra marital affairs. One advocates that if a husband is inflicting violence, there’s nothing wrong if his wife looks for love in another man’s arms. Another advocates that an extra marital affair is an aberration. The latter will attract dissenting views from the former saying that if people are not happy in a marriage, should they continue to suffer in silence? But what about those who are content with their nuptial life and yet take to extra marital affairs? Then I definitely think it is an aberration.

Marriage, a bond that binds two individuals together, till death does them apart, has been reduced to a melee in todays volatile times; but who is making it a convoluted institution? It is US. Have people adopted a zero tolerance attitude that they can’t stand a slight flaw in their spouse? I think Marriage is not about looking for someone who completes you but it’s about someone who shares your completeness. Marriage is a union of two good forgivers!