Gender Equality- A myth or a reality??

There is a certain ambiguity in understanding gender equality in the context of today’s woman: bold, smart, independent, chic, steely grit and nerve and the list can be endless. The World boasts of many such women who breached barriers of caste, class, societal norms to carve their own identies. Identities as in those that are not confined to biological roles: a daughter, wife and a mother but those that she defined through her own potential and talent.

This ambiguity is best manifested by the media: Print and electronic; that portrays women who aced in every sphere. It presents a picture of Aishwarya Rai standing tall at Cannes Film Festival; Sunitha Williams flying high in a space shuttle; Indira Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo, addressing a press conference; Kiran Desai, plush in the success of a Booker Prize; The gutsy Hillary Clinton in a race for the white house and a countless examples to quote. Having said that, the media is equally rife with dowry deaths, rape cases, sexual abuse/harassment, eve teasing, molestation cases, domestic violence and what not? Does all this evoke gender equality? You just never know that bad news about women exceeds good news about women and perhaps the good news about women fades into insignificance before bad news. If you recall, the media kick started the New Year with molestation cases at Mumbai where two women out of a hotel were molested: pinched, grabbed, touched, felt and squeezed; by a group of drunken men. Then there are dissenting voices of the moral police who say that women ask for it as they wear provoking clothes. What rot? A woman can be provoking in a Salwar too. Just because a girl sports a tee and jeans, she is not a bitch who asks for it. The same holds for rape. What is rape? It is illicit sexual intercourse without the consent of a woman and effected by force, duress, intimidation or deception as to the nature of the act. When a woman is raped, the rapist goes scot free; it is the victim who is traumatized. The society is not kind enough to support her; she is looked down like a piece of dirt and some perverts who say that she asked for it. What about rape in wedlock? Is it rape at all? It’s not an outsider, her own husband who she is wedded to. So where does the question of rape arise? Rape is illicit without the benefit of marriage and if within marriage it’s a breach of promise to embrace and support her in sickness and health. If Eve Teasing is still prevalent, no wonder women are still perceived as objects of desire. If men are subjects, women are objects. God is in heaven and all is right with the stinking world!

There are communities and families where a woman’s place is still confined to home and hearth and she is defined by her man. Imagine having to live in a place where you don’t have a voice. What happens when the woman raises her voice against some norm? She is torn, beaten and battered. That’s domestic violence for you! What if a woman is caught in a marriage seeped in domestic violence that renders her a mental and physical wreck? She should walk out of that marriage and lodge a complaint against the proprietors of the crime. Our government finally woke up to the ill-plight of women and passed an act on 23rd June, 2005 that declares any domestic violence against women, a crime. It’s not just a husband who is deemed but also a relative will be charged with a criminal offence.

However such Laws will be efficacious only if the victims come forward and fight for justice. Most women only suffer than prefer to come and speak out against their family. It is against Indian culture. For heavens sake, Indian culture doesn’t ask you be a silent sufferer and mute spectator to the injustice and pain inflicted on you. Judith Armstrong, a well know critic stated “Adultery is greater when committed by a woman. She’s called a fallen woman and when a man commits adultery he just STRAY’s.” I refuse to buy that bilge. There should be equal punishment meted out to both. From time immemorial society is a male dominated one. A woman’s husband was a pathi parmeshwar or God to her. Though the old veil girl has seen the light of the sun, she is definitely facing a gender bias which is a manifestation of what I had mentioned earlier. Today some old traditions have come in a new garb. We had ‘sathi-pratha’: burning of a widow on her husbands’ pyre; and today we burn the bride and allow the groom to have another.

A much relevant example is Amniocentesis where the pregnant lady undergoes this sex-determination test under the pressure of her in-laws, even though it is an offence. Its disheartening that even today a girl is frowned upon as a yoke or a burden in families and it is appalling to know that the so called ‘affluent’ who are supposedly ‘educated’ are committing this crime. Even the middle income and poor income groups think that the birth of a girl child is a deliberative digging of a big pit because they are afraid of facing challenges regarding her education, huge dowry sums, wedding etc. They all look forward to a son to carry on their lineage or family business and also because a secure future is assured. Let’s face it, even at work, women face sexual harassment. It could be an innocuous remark, an unnecessary look or something more serious. A survey depicts that 49% women have encountered sexual abuse and 53% women don’t have equal opportunities at work. They also say that women are treated unfairly by their supervisor/ co-worker/fellow student.

Even amidst working couples, it is the man who has an edge over the woman. If he is transferred to a different place, the wife‘s interest is not taken into consideration, she is expected to move with him. However it’s ok for her to compromise on little things concerning work. Every man looks for a homely woman who can keep his parents and him happy but what if that homely girl wants to work? What if she is much successful than her husband and earns more than he does? Will the husband, acquiesce and digest this fact? Will his fragile ego not get wounded? The Newspapers do publish stories on Men who accept their trophy wives with ease and are absolutely comfort with the attention they receive. That’s only a smug-belief of a ‘feel-good-factor’. A woman’s life is circumscribed by a man. God has created female and man created a woman. Simone de Beauvoir, a landmark French feminist commented “A woman is not born but made”. All of the above breaks the façade that there is gender equality. It only presents a bleak picture of today’s woman.

If this myth has to become a reality, women should be educated and empowered, social responsibility should increase and boys at home should be taught to respect women. Entrenched prejudices and customs against women should be abolished and various myths, superstitions should be debunked. If Laws have to succeed, complaints should be made more anonymous that will encourage the girl to come forward and complain while scaring the miscreants.

Sex Erudition or Exploration??-Part I

Prescript: I found it expedient to broach this debate as till today the question: Should Sex education be imparted in Schools and Colleges? teeters on the precipice of apprehension. This is my excerpt from one of the topics that was thrown at us for debate, while in college; way back in XII Class in 2004 and currently in 2009, it lingers precariously….My team of 3: Niharika, Dwithya and I had to fight AGAINST Sex education in Schools and colleges. We actually WON. Read on about the welter of arguments we expounded.

Sex education is imparting education about human anatomy, usage of organs and nothing more. Nobody ever tells you where you do it, how you do it and when you do it? But the modern scenario begs to differ. Todays youth fall a prey to the media and are exposed to the precautions of avoiding pregnancy and Aids like Condoms, Diaphragms, Pills, Spermicide and so on through Television, Newspapers, Magazines and the like; which depict Sex as the most pleasurable thing: An ECSTASY.

First I would like to pose a question as to why there is an alarming rise in AIDS? One of the major reasons for the high incidence of AIDS is casual Sex and why is there casual Sex? It is pervasive because teachers impart vague information to the students and thus they heed to casual Sex. Therefore by imparting Sex education, teachers put the students in adult situations which give them an impetus to make adult choices. It’s loading the child with information and depriving them of using it which can be connoted as nothing but giving the child a lollipop and asking them not to eat it! Let’s face it, the Western culture too is looking at the East for means and ways to reinstate morality and ethics back into their ethical system. Conservative India, has always taught its people especially women to be chaste, pure and most of all to be loyal to one partner throughout your life. The teenagers find it comfortable to receive such information from their parents than teachers. One gets to learn about the scientific hogwash but its infact the parents who can put the kids at ease without being embarrassed. Let’s face it; the Teacher gets paid for it!

Infact a recent Survey by Times of India shows that teachers in government schools and colleges are given 5 months training classes to impart Sex education and win over their confidence so that they open up. The Survey also throws light on the fact that they are made to put their questions on the paper. The research says that many students came up with questions like gays, lesbians, masturbation and how many partners one can have Sex with. The Survey clearly states that when the boy asked the last question, the teacher put a straight face and was stupefied. She was unable to impart the apt information: Sex is a vast subject and in the course of imparting basic knowledge, there is a high possibility of mincing matters. This leads to half-baked knowledge which is a dangerous thing and that leads to casual Sex which further results in high incidence of AIDS subsequently. Hence by giving information, one is only pumping their curiosity and making them more inquisitive.

Scathing Stereotypes

What is a stereotype? Merriam Webster’s dictionary puts it “something conforming to a fixed or general pattern esp. a standardized mental picture that is held in common by members of a group and that represents an oversimplified opinion, prejudiced attitude or uncritical judgment”

Stereotype is therefore is a ‘DISTORTED’ version; a fixed and a commonly held notion.In India, most often if a girl sports casual Jeans and wears Make-up and Lipstick, she is termed to be ‘FAST’. A boy stereotypically loves Gadgets and Widgets. If a Boss’s secretary is an ugly woman, she must be trapped in a harried marriage but if she looks great then she is certainly sleeping with her Boss! There were times when students who opt for MPC and BPC can stay rest assured of a promising Career and reap success; while those who opt for Literature, History and Social sciences will only end up being teachers and lecturers and hence have to live with a not-so great career. Mindsets and such misconceptions have definitely changed for good today!

Two roles that are globally stereotyped: Gender roles. From time immemorial, a Man has to be aggressive, strong, confident, competent, provider and protector. A woman is naturally a homemaker; it’s ok and fair enough to be dumb (her better-half will lend her moral support); submissive, emotional and passive. This conditioning of gender roles takes deep root in an infant’s mind, when the child becomes conscious and aware of the predicament at home. With stereotypes come great expectations. Therefore when a person doesn’t match or fit that prejudiced notion, s/he feels oppressed and smothered.There has been a paradigm shift/switch in gender roles today. Women have not only invaded male bastions but also busted the glass ceiling. You name it and we women have already made a mark in every domain and facets of life. Might I champion the cause of men, do we not have men who are scrawny and lean? Some men who prefer culinary and cooking to snazzy cars and gadgets? Men who carved a niche for themselves as chefs, fashion designers, flight stewards etc.

Back home in India, Parents wish to live and fulfill their dreams through their children. I’m more than happy to have wonderful parents who gave me the freedom to make my choices and follow my heart. What if I had selfish parents who would shove choices down my throat? Then it’s no longer a choice. Life is not about living the rigmarole of earning, making money, bequeathing it to children and making them happy. I believe life is all about living your own dreams and choices, making mistakes and learning from them: you fall, you rise and you dust and get on with life.

Why do we more often than not have preconceived and assumed notions of someone or something? Why the heck are we conditioned to stereotype? And do it unconsciously sometimes? Do we find it hard to accept a person as s/he is? Each person is thereby unique and different: Perceptions, aspirations, attitudes and ethos vary from person to person. So what’s cool? What’s in?

I. Being comfortable in your own skin.
II. Being forthright about what you want.
III.Standing up for what you believe is right.
IV.Living your dreams despite the odds that are stacked against you.

We should no longer be only hearers of the motto “Live and Let Live” and confine it to our friend’s autograph books; we must also be the doers of the motto!